How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
