it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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