i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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