Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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