If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
