If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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