I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
