How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
