cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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