So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
