Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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