one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
