I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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