My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
