I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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