Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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