I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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