Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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