If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
