you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
