dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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