if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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