i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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