i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
