I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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