Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
