not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
