my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
