I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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