Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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