Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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