3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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