Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
