I cockslap morals
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
