When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
