we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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