I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
