i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
