Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
