I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
