i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
