dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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