There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
