I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
