Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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