I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
