someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
