when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
