If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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