I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
