I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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