i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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