What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
