I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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