well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
