grandma shit on top of the toilet
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
