I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
