yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
