Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
