i need an iv and a liver transplant
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
