life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize