I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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