I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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