Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
