He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You dont lie about slip and slides
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
