All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
