I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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