i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
