So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
