yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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