The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
